跨文化事奉
What causes loneliness?
什麼原因會產生孤單感？
Loneliness is common because it has so many causes. These causes may be found in your situation or within you. Here are some possible causes.
孤單感是很平常的，因為是由許多原因造成的。這些原因也許是在你所處的環境中，或者是你自己。這裡列出幾項可能的原因：
- Your moving. Part of being a cross-cultural worker is moving from one place to another, either reentering your passport culture repeatedly or moving from one culture to another.
- 搬家。跨文化工作者生活中的一部分就是常要從一個地方搬到另一個地方。不論是回國述職或是從一個文化遷移到另一個文化。
- Friends moving. If you do not move, other people from your agency are likely to. Expatriates are constantly on the move.
- 朋友搬離。即使你沒有遷移，差會中其他人也會遷移。居住在國外的人經常會搬遷。
- Away from family and friends. Part of working cross-culturally is living in a place far from acquaintances in your past.
- 離開家庭或朋友：跨文化工作者生活中的一部分就是遠離你過去所熟悉的環境。
- Expectations not met. Perhaps you had heard how friendly people were in your host culture, but you find them quite distant.
- 期待落空：或許你曾聽過在你事奉地區的人們是友善的，但卻發現有一段差距。
- Rejected. You may not be accepted by the people you came to serve and feel rejected even by people serving in your agency.
- 被拒絕：你可能不被你所服事的人們所接納，甚至覺得被差會裡的人拒絕。
- Discriminated against. You came to serve, but you find that political or social forces in your host country discriminate against you because of your passport country, your race, or your religion.
- 歧視：你到宣教地區服事，卻發現被當地政府或是民間力量所歧視，只因你的國家背景、種族或是宗教。
- Surface relationships. 1. You long to share deeply with others, but you are not able to find anyone in your agency or in your host culture who wants to do so.
- 表面關係1：你渴望與別人有深入地分享，但是在差會中或是當地人中，你卻找不到任何可以分享的對象。
- Surface relationships. 2. You do not want to become too close to anyone because you know that either they or you will be moving soon.
- 表面關係2：由於你知道不管是他人或是你自己很快就會移動，所以你不想跟人建立深入地關係。
- Lack of social skills. You do not understand how to interact well in your host culture—or maybe your passport one.
- 缺乏社交技巧：你不知道在工場上該如何與人互動，也許在國內也是如此。
- Self-conscious or shy. Having low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence. You find it difficult to get close to anyone in any culture.
- 怕難為情或是害羞：缺乏自尊或是自信。你發現在任何文化中都很難與人親近。
- Anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness or social phobias. Personal problems in adjustment prevent you from interacting adequately with other expats or nationals.
- 焦慮、失望、覺得沒有價值或是社會焦慮症：
- Fear of rejection. You had some intimate friends, but they turned on you so that you now fear it will happen again.
- 害怕被拒：你有一些要好的朋友，但是他們突然反對你，因此你怕會再發生。
- The city feels so unfriendly. You grew up in a farming community or small town, and the large city in which you serve has no similar sense of community.
What can I do to get over loneliness?
我要做什麼來處理內心的孤單感？
The good news about loneliness is that you CAN take steps yourself to get over it. It is the only “disorder” that can be cured by adding two or more cases together! However, the more lonely you feel, the harder it is to take the steps needed, so remember that it takes time, effort, and commitment. You may need the help of a counselor to begin to take those steps.
Basically what you want to do is to find the cause (perhaps from the ones listed above) and then do things to counteract that cause. You may have to make changes in your situation or changes in yourself. Do not wait for your feelings of loneliness to go away—act first, and the change in feelings will come later. Here are some suggestions.
- Look for ways to get involved with people around you, such as eating with them, sitting near them, exercising with them.
- Put yourself in situations where you will meet new people, such as joining a club, attending a new church and doing volunteer work with others.
- Develop your social skills, practice getting to know others, and become vulnerable enough to let people know you.
- Do not assume new relationships will be the same as old ones. Look at each new person from a new perspective.
- Respond to others and their interests, but do not pretend to be interested in something you are not. People will sense that
- Go do things you like to do even if you have to go alone. Attending a concert or film, even taking a walk you may meet someone with similar interests.
- Being a friend or helping someone may result in a deeper relationship.
- Take a class in an area of interest. You may meet someone with similar interests.
- • Ask people about themselves because people usually want to share with someone who is interested in them.
A word of caution!
Modern communication technology, such as e-mail, instant messaging, webcams, VoIP, and low international phone rates has resulted in some people becoming so interested in maintaining old relationships that they fail to build new ones.
These distant relationships may make us think that we do not need intimate face-to-face relationships. This is not the case. Even though you may be able to hear and even see the person, it is not the same as interacting with a real person.